


Sweet Lies

by AStarlightMonbebe



Series: One Shots [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Maybe Depressing, Minor Character Death, Sehun and Baekhyun are kind of jerks, Soulmate and Hanahaki Disease cross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 05:18:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AStarlightMonbebe/pseuds/AStarlightMonbebe
Summary: soul mate/ˈsōl ˌmāt/noun: soulmatea person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.Hanahaki Diseasean illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.Or, when your soulmate doesn't love you back





	Sweet Lies

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning and ending of this is pretty good but some of the middle stuff is bad sorry I wrote half of it in like splurges and then typed like a sentence. But I wrote this over the course of like a week and a half and half of it is depressingly sad. I killed so many ships. Xuichen is really badly written I feel.  
> Anyway it combines Soulmate Universe and Hanahaki Disease Universe, something that is not usually combined. I've hopefully explained it well enough throughout the story. If you have questions, ask me in the comments.  
> Oh, and Chanyeol is the only one without a perspective but I couldn't seem to fit him in.

“Please, stay a little longer.” Suho begged, gripping Kris’ hand with all his might. Kris stared up at him hazily, smiling the tiniest bit. “I can’t.” He coughed, his whole body seizuring. Suho sobbed, holding on tighter. “Please don’t go. Please please please…” He was trembling, unable to form a coherent sentence. Kris’ hand was slack in his, clammy and warm.

“I love you.” Suho whispered, hoping, praying that the words would make Kris stay, that he would find the strength to survive, that the doctors would find a miraculous cure and save him. _Save him, please somebody save him._ “I know.” Kris replied, his voice so quiet that Suho barely caught it over the sound of his own crying. Suho watched as he fell back against the pillows, hand slipping from Suho’s as Suho’s own went numb from disbelief.

“No.” He said, grabbing for Kris’ hand again. The warmth was fading from it at a rapid speed, only cold stone remaining. “No no no no NO!” He screamed, doubling over and crying. Kris wasn’t dead. Kris couldn’t be dead. Kris hadn’t died. He was still alive, about to open his eyes and smile and poke Suho in the side….

“Sir, we ask that you please exit the room so we can take care of the body.” A clipped voice said from behind, strong arms pulling him up and forcing him towards the door. Suho wanted to scream and thrash and throw himself back at Kris but he only felt numb. The body. Not a human being anymore. Just a body to send to the funeral home to be prepared for burial. Kris Wu didn’t exist anymore. Now he was nothing but a body.

They shut the door in his face and Suho slid down against the wall opposite it, burying his head in his knees and trying to breathe normally. Three years of being happy together. Gone. Three years of kisses and hugs and sleepy smiles. Gone. Five months of a diamond ring on his finger. Gone. Suho now looked down at said diamond ring, still shiny and in the best condition it could possibly be in. Worthless. Without Kris to promise him that they would get married when he got better, now that he wasn’t getting better, now that he was dead, worthless. Completely and utterly worthless.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to take it off and throw it into the nearest trash can. Kris had given him many things. Love, gifts, the best three years of his life, but this, this was special. He still remembered the day. He’d been tired and frazzled and Kris had dropped to one knee in the middle of a parking lot with cars blowing their horns and flipped open a small box to reveal the most beautiful ring Suho had ever seen.

“It doesn’t matter that you’re soulmate’s dead. It doesn’t matter that mine is gone. Will you, Suho Kim, do me the honor of becoming my husband?” They were twenty years old and had been dating for three years. Suho’s soulmate had been dead for five, killed in a car accident as they had come back from seeing a movie on their first date. Kris’ soulmate was somewhere in China, having left Kris long ago. And yet, it didn’t matter that they were young and that they weren’t soulmates. They loved each other and that had always been enough.

People said that if you loved someone who wasn’t your soulmate, if you truly loved each other and neither were suffering from Hanahaki, that it was a curse. That you shouldn’t love someone who wasn’t your soulmate, that it wasn’t right. If you did, it would never end in a happy ending like being with your soulmate apparently did. Maybe they were right. Suho and Kris had tried, and then Kris had gotten sick. It wasn’t expected. One day he’d just collapsed. They’d gone through multiple treatments and money and prayed and hoped and yet-and yet Kris hadn’t survived. He hadn’t beaten the odds like the doctor had said he would.

“Excuse me,” Suho rubbed at his eyes quickly and looked up, scrambling to his feet when he saw two young men in neatly pressed suits in front of him. The pretty blond one had spoken, in a neat Chinese accent. Kris had had a heavy accent for a long time before he had eventually learned to speak Korean well enough that it was barely noticeable. They both bowed politely to him, the blonde straightening before his dark haired friend and folding his hands in front of himself and facing Suho.

“Is this the room where Kris Wu is being kept?” He asked, smiling slightly. He had nice piercings, cross earrings dangling. Suho froze. “He’s dead.” He said flatly. The smile slipped off the blonde’s face quickly. “We’re too late.” His friend murmured. He was definitely Korean and not Chinese, Suho could tell from his Korean tone of speaking and softer features than the blonde who was more angular.

The blonde nodded. “Okay.” He replied softly. “May I ask who you might be?” He turned to Suho seriously. Suho straightened, hoping he didn’t look too much like a wreck even though he knew he did. “I’m Suho and I am,” He swallowed. There was no more present tense. There was no future anymore. There was only the past. “I was Kris’ fiancee.” He stared the blonde straight in the eye, who looked lost.

“Fiancee.” He repeated slowly. Suho nodded firmly. He wasn’t ashamed. He wasn’t going to cry anymore. “But you’re not soulmates.” The dark haired friend said. He too looked stunned. Suho cast him a cool glance, raising his eyebrows as if to say so? Soulmates weren’t an exact rule to follow. Love was enough. To him and Kris, they hadn’t cared about soulmates. Soulmates weren’t important to them. Sure, there were people who had said they would pay for the crime of loving each other, but they had laughed at those people.

“Who are you?” Suho asked finally. He bet that both of them were younger than him by at least a year, though they were wearing suits they’re faces were youthful and not yet bearing the heavy burden hitting twenty brought. The dark haired friend bit his lip, shaking his head slightly at the blonde. The blonde looked at Suho coldly.

“My name is Huang Zitao, and I’m Kris’ soulmate.”

~

The funeral had long ended, but people were still milling around eating food and murmuring their apologies. Kai had an arm slipped around Sehun’s waist as they wove through the crowd, looking for Suho. They only had a slight understanding of the situation since Suho had disappeared quickly after the service had ended. Apparently the blonde Chinese man, Tao, was Kris’ soulmate and he’d come back to see him for some reason no one knew.

“Oh, there’s Baekhyun.” Sehun murmured in a low tone. It felt wrong to speak regularly at a funeral and most everyone was whispering or talking quietly so that you couldn’t quite make out what anyone was saying as you passed. Sehun lead him through the crowd, making his way towards a petite male who was standing next to a tall elfish man. Almost hidden from view because of the elfish man’s freakish height was a small round faced boy who seemed to be glaring at everyone who passed.

They drew up in front of the so called ‘Baekhyun’ and his friends. “Sehun.” The petite male said, smiling as he turned. He was holding a champagne glass loosely between his fingers, the clear liquid holding a tint of pink sloshing up the sides. They did a one armed hug and as they did Kai’s stomach turned. He ducked away from Sehun, murmuring that he would return in a moment before bolting towards the bathroom, ducking into a stall, and throwing up.

He stared down at the yellow daffodil petals clogging the toilet. They were more than Kai had ever coughed up at a time, more than a thousand. Among the yellow a violet snapdragon petal swirled and Kai smiled bitterly and the twistedness of it all. Daffodils for unrequited love. Snapdragons for deception.

Kai knew Sehun didn’t love him back. He had known since last month when he had been sitting in his room, doodling on a blank sheet of paper with his earbuds in. His throat had itched strangely and when he’d coughed, a single white petal had landed in the middle of his sketch of a flower. Ironic, wasn’t it? He’d known what Hanahaki disease was. It was when the person suffered from one sided love and coughed up flowers and petals. It grew steadily worse, eventually resulting in death unless you got the emotions removed through surgery. That was the common explanation. But also, the worse version of it, where you died after only a couple of months instead of the yearish time limit depending on the feelings, was when your soulmate didn’t love you back like they were supposed to.

 _Yah! Come back, you’re my soulmate!_ Had been written on his arm from the moment he had been born, the first words his soulmate would ever say to him. Kai had traced them day after day, sketching them in different fonts with different illustrations, even trying to picture what his soulmate would look like. He’d been in eleventh grade when he’d gotten in trouble with a bad group of kids at school. Running blindly as fast as he could, he’d knocked over a kid on a bike. Mumbling; “I’m so sorry, I hope you’re not hurt.” He’d taken off again only for Sehun to scream after him those very words. Kai had been so stunned that he’d tripped and broken his ankle. Sehun had put him on the back of his bike, brought him to the ER, and then taken him home. They’d been dating for over a year, in love with each other and making plans for the future. There were certain rituals they had too, like bubble tea on rainy days and hot chocolate at midnight if they were awake.

They’d been happy. So, so happy. But, as Kai had stared down at that one petal and how he now stared down at thousands of him, he realized that while he had been, Sehun had not. Somewhere along the way, Sehun had fallen out of love and Kai had been foolish enough to believe that being soulmates meant that you loved each other unconditionally.

He stood up shakily and flushed the toilet, watching the petals swirl down the drain in a mix of soft yellow and bruised purple. Walking out of the stall, he moved to stand in front of the sink and stared at himself. He was pale, his eyebags a pronounced shade of dark blue and purple. He hadn’t been sleeping, the urge to throw up keeping him up all night. He would pretend to sleep but then wait until Sehun was out to run to the bathroom and spend most of the night there, repeatedly coughing up dozens and dozens of petals. Even after he’d coughed up hundreds and hundreds his throat had still itched and itched, breathing still difficult. There was no rest.

The bathroom door opened and Kai glanced up to see the short kid who’d glared at everyone walk in. He was probably around eighteen or so, meaning he was Kai’s age, and actually quite good looking with light brown hair and wide eyes that seemed to capture Kai’s soul as he stared at him.

“Sehun sent me to check on you. You were taking a long time.” He said, blinking. Kai splashed water on his face, wiping it with a paper towel. “I’m fine.” He balled up the paper towel and tossed it into the trash. The boy took a sip from the clear glass he was holding. It wasn’t champagne though the glass was a champagne flute, but water.

“I’m Kyungsoo.” He added when it was clear that Kai was reluctant to leave. He shouldn’t have been, he should have been dying to get back to Sehun. That was how he usually felt when he and Sehun were apart, that was how soulmates were supposed to feel when they were separated. You always missed your partner, no matter the distance if it be one yard or half a world.

“Kai.” Kai said quietly, leaning back against the sink and checking his watch. Kyungsoo took another sip, staring at him all the while. “You know, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are soul mates.” He said slowly, not blinking as he stared at Kai. Chanyeol must have be the elfish man. It made sense, they had been standing so close that it had seemed as if they were melded together. But Sehun….

Kai shook his head, more to himself, then coughed into the sleeve of his jacket. As discreetly as possible, he closed his hand over the cluster of petals and crushed them, throwing them into the trash quickly. Kyungsoo’s sharp eyes tracked the moment. He raised his eyebrows curiously, leaning back against the mirror.

“We’re too young to be suffering this much.” He said softly, staring off past Kai. Kai glanced at him. Kyungsoo smiled. “The others will be worrying. We don’t want them to send another after us.” Kai nodded, shaking himself mentally.

“I suppose we should go.” He said, brushing past Kyungsoo and out the door, though he made sure Kyungsoo caught it before striding across the lawn to where Sehun was talking with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Sehun brightened when he saw him coming, waving.

“This is my soulmate, Kai.” He introduced Kai. “Kai, this is Baekhyun, his soulmate Chanyeol, and Chanyeol’s boyfriend Kyungsoo.” Kai choked on his drink. “What?” Baekhyun laughed, sounding like a tinkling fairy.

“Chanyeol and I are soulmates, but we’ve come to the agreement that we want to be nothing more than platonically involved with each other. Kyungsoo here, well he has the unfortunate case of his soulmate already being someone else’s. They love each  
other. I love someone. It all worked out in the end.” He shrugged, smiling warmly at Kai but his eyes were sharp and Kai knew. He _knew_. He knew that this was why he was coughing up flowers to no end. He knew that Baekhyun was the reason Sehun didn’t love him anymore. That Sehun didn’t love him like he was supposed to do.

But no, he didn’t want Sehun to think he was supposed to love him. In theory of course soulmates loved each other, that’s why fate had tied them together for eternity, but feelings didn’t have to work out that way. Baekhyun was good looking and funny and he had a nice laugh and he was exactly Sehun’s type, Kai could tell that immediately.

Sehun was happy. Baekhyun had a soulmate, but his soulmate was dating someone else so he wasn’t tied to his soulmate like most people were. Kai had heard of rare instances where fate gave someone a soulmate and then given their soulmate someone else’s words and that someone else’s their words too and left that original person with no one who was supposed to love them back.

Baekhyun was allowed to love Sehun. Sehun was in all technicalities allowed to love Baekhyun. They were happy, no one was getting hurt. Except. Except that didn’t stop Kai from excusing himself halfway through under the pretense of getting food but to instead throw up petals again and again and again until his eyes stung and his stomach was empty and they just kept coming.

~

Tao had known for a long time. How could he have not when a couple of weeks after Kris left he had thrown up practically a bouquet of flowers? At night he’d thoughts had kept him awake. Who was he? Was he better than Tao? Why had Tao not been enough? Why hadn’t being soulmates been enough? Why wasn’t he good enough? Was Kris in love? Did he love this new person more than he had loved Tao? Had he even loved Tao at all? Had being soulmates meant anything, anything at all?

Suho was fragile, with a bird like structure, wide eyes, and pale skin. Tao could picture Kris wanting to protect him, because Suho looked a bit like a damsel in distress with the socks and puffy eyes. He was jealous. Of course he was. Suho had owned Kris’ heart more than Tao had ever done, had even been about to marry him before-before Kris died.

 _Leave me alone or I’m going to report you._ The words were a pale white instead of the dark inky black it was supposed to be. When your words turned white, it meant your soulmate had died. Tao’s words were written on the back of his hand. Every time he picked up a pencil, every time he looked down, it was like a constant slap in his face. When he had shaken hands repeatedly at the funeral, he’d seen people’s eyes skim it, the pity on their faces.

 _Your soulmate is dead and he didn’t love you._ Tao lied to himself sometimes, saying he hadn’t loved Kris. He lied and created a perfect fantasy when Kris hadn’t hated him and hit him and left him homeless and bleeding in China with Tao still hopelessly in love with him because he didn’t know that there was any other option than to not love. He’d been so love and he’d thought a soulmate was supposed to love you whatever happened. He’d thought Kris was going to save him from rock bottom, but Kris made him realize there was no rock bottom. Instead there was a never ending pit.

He found Suho on a bench far into the cemetery, away from the crowd. He was sitting with his head bent, hands clasped over his knees. Tao sat down beside him, stretching out his legs and leaning his elbows on the bench behind him. Suho sat up, staring at him through red rimmed eyes.

“What?” He raised his chin defiantly. “Are you here to gloat? To say how this is fate, it’s karma because we weren’t soulmates? Are you happy that he’s dead?!” He spat out the words, voice dripping with venom. Tao’s lips parted. “Excuse me?” He might have been jealous of Suho, he might have hated him, but he hadn’t wanted Kris to die. He wanted Kris to have a happy ending. Even as he choked on flowers with Chen rubbing his back, he’d hoped Kris was happier than him wherever he was.

Suho groaned. “Look, I know you hate Kris alright. I know that you left him and yet he wasn’t mad at you, okay? In fact-” “What?” Tao interrupted, trying to understand what Suho was saying. “What has Kris told you about me?” Suho straightened, running a hand through his hair.

“That you met in China, that you didn’t want a soulmate and ran off with your friend, who I’m assuming is the dark haired good looking one, and left him behind.” Tao blinked. At most he’d assumed Kris had just said he was dead, or something along those lines. He hadn’t expected Kris to have made up a story about how awful Tao was.

“I suppose he left out the part that pointed him out as an abuser?” Tao questioned innocently, smiling warmly at Suho.

The slap sent him reeling back, having to grab the edge of the bench to steady himself. Suho’s palm turned red steadily as he breathed hard, glaring at Tao. “Do not insult him!” Tao’s cheek stung and he could feel it swelling already. Tao wanted to explain how it had been, how he had loved Kris and how Kris had hated the sight of him, hated having a soulmate and how he’d hurt Tao again and again and then one day he’d run. He’d run and he’d left Tao behind. Alone. Dead if Chen hadn’t been there.

Tao swallowed back the painful memories and faced Suho again. “I apologize.” He bowed politely to the elder, then stood up and left quickly. A part of him wanted Suho to know how much of a jerk Kris was, but Kris was dead. They were at a funeral. He couldn’t put Suho through that right after he’d lost Kris. He wasn’t that cruel.

Soulmates were a complicated thing. So was Hanahaki. And yet, they were inexplicably intertwined. 95% of the time, you were supposed to love your soulmate. The other 5% of the time you were platonic soulmates, meant to be nothing more than very close friends. Tao and Kris had fallen in the 95 percentile.

Hanahaki disease was when the feelings weren’t reciprocated. If you loved someone and they didn’t love you back, you found yourself coughing velvety petals. For normal crushes, like when you were ten and you hadn’t met your soulmate and you liked someone, you could get a surgery to remove the emotions. Yet, for soulmates, if your soulmate didn’t love you like they were supposed to, there was no surgery to remove the emotions. It just wasn’t possible. Fate had thrown you together and therefore it was against some code, something no one knew about.

Life was unfair. It wasn’t Tao’s fault that Kris didn’t love him, that even though they were soulmates Kris didn’t love him. Kris should have been the one with a flower growing in his lungs, cutting off his air, killing him because there was nothing he could do. And yet, he wasn’t. He had been happy, had been going to get married.

Tao had survived three years so far. Three years of blood and petals and insomnia and praying desperately that he could forget Kris, forget his feelings, like that was even possible. He would survive for longer still, though in most cases if one half of a soulmate contracted Hanahaki they died after only a couple of months. Tao was different. He and Kris had never been close, Kris had never even liked him the tiniest bit to begin with, and because of that it wasn’t severe.

In fact, he was fine now. Kris was dead. He wasn’t feeling anything. He couldn’t love anyone now. Hanahaki took a while to fully disappear and Tao would likely be completely and totally fine after half a year or so. But that didn’t make him stop loving Tao.

That didn’t make him forget.

~

Baekhyun knew he was being unnecessarily cruel. Of course he knew that. But there was something about the helplessness, the eagerness, of Sehun’s soulmate that made him want to laugh.

He detested the idea of soulmates. It was basically arranged marriage, fate forcing two people together and making them love each other. You had to love them unless you wanted to die choking on flowers and blood. Then there were people like Kyungsoo who would never get a happy ending with their soulmate. Kyungsoo was one of the sweetest people Baekhyun knew, okay not exactly sweet since he was actually a little devilish, but he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve having to live like that.

When Baekhyun had found out that he and Chanyeol were in the 5% of the world that was made up of platonic soulmates, he had nearly cried from happiness. No ties, no need to fall in love with Chanyeol. They were good friends anyways, the only thing that made them soulmates was that they couldn’t part from each other for long or go far away without each other.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and Baekhyun slipped it out under the table, eyes scanning the text quickly. _Are you feeling okay? You’re not eating._ He looked up to Sehun who was trying his best not to stare at him from across the table. After the funeral Suho had invited them, Kris’ soulmate and his friend, and some of Suho’s other friends to dinner at his house since most of them were staying there anyways.

 _I’m fine._ He texted back, smiling at Sehun to let him know that he was really fine. The thought of food was making his stomach turn, because right after that followed the thought that Kris was dead, and part of Suho was dead, and everything was different.

Sehun had been the best part of Baekhyun’s life. They had met around eight months ago, on a rainy day where Baekhyun had been running for shelter, slipped, and Sehun had caught him. Baekhyun had laughed at fairy tales, but with Sehun’s arm around his waist, spinning him around, it seemed too perfect to be true.

There was the problem of Sehun having a soulmate, but Sehun said it was fine. In had been a whirlwind of a romance, Baekhyun falling harder than he ever had breaking his number one rule-never fall in love. It was a stupid rule, but there was a part of him that couldn’t shake his childhood and his mother’s screams that seemed to follow him whenever he considered the idea of a soulmate and love.

Last month, Sehun had said he loved him and it was real and it meant something. But Baekhyun kept it a secret. Because Sehun had a soulmate and Baekhyun had a soulmate even if it wasn’t a technical soulmate and people would hate them and Sehun didn’t want to hurt Kai. Baekhyun could maybe see why. Looking over at Kai now, he saw that he was probably normally very handsome and kind and funny. Right now though, all he looked was exhausted.

 _Can I come tonight?_ Sehun texted, glancing up from his phone under the table to glance meaningfully at Baekhyun. _Yeah. Yeol’s staying with Soo. What about Kai though?_ Baekhyun responded, hiding his phone when Chanyeol looked over his shoulder to see what he was doing. It was a bit rude to be on your phone in the middle of a dinner, but Baekhyun didn’t care much for manners and nobody was talking anyways.

 _He doesn’t stay the whole night._ Sehun replied and Baekhyun saw him frown a little as he glanced at his soulmate besides him. When Sehun looked up, Baekhyun nodded the tiniest bit. It had become a bit of a habit, Sehun falling asleep with him and leaving in the morning as for Kai to not notice something was amiss. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had shared a bed before, but it was never like sharing a bed with Sehun when they fit together perfectly and talked and Sehun dropped kisses on Baekhyun’s neck and Baekhyun fell asleep warm and happy and desperately in love.

They were happy, they were in love, and if the world viewed it was wrong, who cared? They loved each other. Baekhyun loved him. It was enough for now.

~

Chen swung back and forth on the porch swing, staring out at the house across the street without really seeing it. Night was falling, purple and pink flooding the sky as twilight passed.

The door creaked open. Chen glanced over to it, not exactly surprised to see Xiumin standing there, staring icily at him. “We meet again.” Chen stated calmly, as Xiumin walked over to him, hopping up on the railing and swinging his legs idly so that he pushed the swing back as Chen came forward.

He looked different, older, somehow prettier. His hair was black now, silky and swept off his forehead, but he still held the same catty features and eyes. He was still small but more lean now, muscle under his giant sweatshirt, which was white. Chen wondered if he’d changed in Xiumin’s eyes, if Xiumin even recalled what he’d looked like back then.

 _Across the club, through the flashing lights, his soulmate._ Three years was a long time. Sixteen to nineteen. Things were different now. They were different now.

It was snowing outside, soft white flakes dissolving upon impact with the ground. The air was cold and nippy, but Chen couldn’t really feel it as Xiumin seemed to be radiating waves of heat, too close and yet too far away so that Chen couldn’t reach out and pull him closer. Not that he wanted too.

Xiumin swallowed, tipping his head back, hair dark against the pureness of his sweatshirt. There was a silence between them but it wasn’t heavy, it didn’t drag them down. It was just there. The prospect of things unsaid since three years ago and the things needing to be said now.

When Chen had left for China, the first time he had left, to save Tao, he had left Xiumin too. He didn’t regret it. Tao had drowning, unable to find oxygen, metaphorically and literally as the flower grew in his lungs, cutting his air supply off. Still, he wasn’t proud that he’d left Xiumin like that. No matter how much he had denied soulmates and Xiumin being his, this pretty boy with maniacal sense of self destruction, a part of him hurt. Seeing your soulmate somehow activated the link inside you and in China he had suffered, sometimes late at night filled with a sense of longing for something he didn’t want.

He hadn’t really expected to see Xiumin in Korea, but a part of him had known. “I missed you.” Xiumin muttered, pushing the swing back with his tiny feet. Chen always forgot how strong Xiumin was, mostly because of his tiny form. He stared determinedly at the ground, somehow angrily, but Chen saw how his eyes were misty.

Chen hummed in response. He wasn’t going to admit that he missed Xiumin. Except-“China was lonely.” He was lonely. He had only Tao, and only half of the time because of Hanahaki. Hanahaki had ripped everyone away from him until they were only husks of their former selves. And with that came soulmates, causing the Hanahaki intentionally or unintentionally it was never clear.

“Well duh.” Xiumin grumbled. Chen smiled; suiting his youthful face, Xiumin talked like a moody teenager even though he was almost twenty. “You’re getting wet.” Chen noted, reaching forward and yanking him off of the wet railing and onto the swing. Xiumin stumbled and ended up falling on top of him heavily. There was snow caught in his hair, melting.

“Want to go inside?” Chen muttered. They were stuck sharing a room, though it had happened without their friends having knowledge of the whole soulmate situation. Xiumin sat up, falling backwards onto the swing and almost rolling off. Chen grabbed his arm again and held on tightly for a few seconds before Xiumin had situated himself. He nodded somewhat sullenly, slumping down.

After a few more moments of sitting in silence, watching the snow drift past, Chen finally noticed how Xiumin had started shivering and decided it was time to go inside. Xiumin complied when he started dragging him inside, but Chen let his hand slip from his wrist to Xiumin’s hand, wrapping it in his. Being so close seemed to have awakened a slow burning fire inside of him. He couldn’t forget the initial attraction he’d had to Xiumin, not only because they were soulmates but because of Xiumin himself.

He’d been terrified and scared and a coward and he’d run to the only place he’d known to go. Maybe that made him a jerk, maybe that made him what Kris had been to Tao, but being with Xiumin for that one precious week had been the best days of his life. He envied people like Sehun and Kai, who were so purely happy with each other, faces glowing when they touched each other in the slightest.

He wanted that happiness. Chen’s life had never been happy. He’d been orphaned at a young age, stuck bouncing around in foster care until Suho had turned eighteen and claimed guardianship of him at fifteen. Months after that he’d been at a club, Baekhyun having dragged him there, yes he’d been friends with Baekhyun before China, and he’d met his soulmate. One week after that he’d gone to China and Tao.

Xiumin understood, Chen knew he did, but Chen also understood that he had hurt Xiumin in a way only soulmates could do. Sorry wasn’t enough, it wouldn’t be enough.

Inside Xiumin sat on the bed, kicking off his shoes and flopping backward. Chen stripped off his suit jacket, which was slightly damp from the snow, and tossed it aside. He flipped on the lamp, slipping off his shoes and sitting down besides Xiumin so that they were touching.

When he kissed Xiumin, he lost all feeling. It was like being on a cloud, reality warping before him. Xiumin’s eyes, blurring colors, touching and kissing until he found himself lying on the bed, Xiumin curled up beside him fast asleep. Chen sighed and turned over, sitting up and putting his head in his hands.

Commitment wasn’t something he wanted, it wasn’t something he was able to do. Using his soulmate to feel better after a funeral was messed up. His phone pinged and Chen flipped it over, dimming the screen. It was a text from Tao. Chen scanned it, replying a quick ok before standing up. He grabbed his suit jacket and put back on his shoes, creeping towards the door silently.

In the doorway he looked back. Xiumin was still sleeping peacefully. Chen bit his lip, staring for a second longer than needed before turning and ducking out the door and disappearing down the hallway.

~

Kyungsoo stared at his face in the mirror, water dripping down it. There were dark circles under his eyes, but they were only shadows of past nights at this point. Since he’d started dating Chanyeol his insomnia had stopped and he’d been able to grab at least eight hours every night, content in Chanyeol’s arms.

On the pale inner skin of his arm, _I’m fine._ Kyungsoo had spent years covering it up as much as possible, long sleeves and makeup, pretending that his words were in a place nobody could see rather than the truth. He remembered the day he’d finally wandered into the kitchen at seven and asked his mother; “Why are my words gray?” Earlier that day a kid at school had glimpsed them, back when Kyungsoo hadn’t hidden it, and laughed, claiming that that meant that his soulmate was dead.

The words had bounced around in his head all day and so he’d asked his mother, knowing she’d never lie to him. She’d knelt down and held his tiny little palms in hers, looking him straight in the eyes. “You’re a very special person Kyungsoo. Your words are gray because you have a soulmate but your soulmate is soulmates with someone else.” It was the simplest language in the world, but it had taken Kyungsoo years to understand what that fully meant.

It had been painful the first few years as his friends found their soulmates in their early to middle teen years and he stayed solemnly in the background. He had known Chanyeol for years, confided in him about the whole soulmate thing. Then Chanyeol had met Baekhyun. They were soulmates, and Kyungsoo felt himself losing Chanyeol as he had known he would when Chanyeol found his soulmate.

“We’re platonic soulmates, isn’t that great Soo?” Chanyeol had announced one day at lunch and Kyungsoo had nodded, though inside he was screaming. Except. Except he knew Chanyeol had liked Baekhyun, maybe not seriously, but Kyungsoo had walked in on him coughing flowers.

He wanted to save Chanyeol before it grew worse and somehow, somehow he did. When Kyungsoo was seventeen he’d seen Chanyeol choking on flower petals, crying and gasping for air, and that had been it. It wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault, he knew that, but a part of him had been so angry that he’d gone and hit Baekhyun before he thought about it. Kyungsoo vaguely remembered what he’d said, about why Baekhyun couldn’t just love Chanyeol.

But he did remember Baekhyun spitting out blood and staggering to his feet and saying; “Why don’t you?” It was then that Kyungsoo realized he’d been hiding, that he claimed he loved Chanyeol and had convinced himself that he was helping when he wasn’t.  
Kyungsoo had gone back, kissing Chanyeol, and told him that he loved him enough to save him. Chanyeol had coughed once more, and yet, no petals. He’d looked up at Kyungsoo and hit him lightly on the back of his head. “I like you too idiot.” He muttered and then they’d been dating.

Baekhyun had been happy for them, but Kyungsoo didn’t trust him and he doubted he ever would. Especially now, _I’m fine_ staring up at him from the inside of his arm. Even before Kai had spoken to him, Kyungsoo had known immediately that this person was him. He’d known since Baekhyun had first mentioned Sehun and his soulmate. A part of him had just _known._

In another life, if he’d met Kai years before, things would have been different. Maybe Kyungsoo would have been the one suffering from Hanahaki, layering excuse on top of excuse. Like Kai was. Kyungsoo had known from the moment Sehun and Baekhyun had touched, from the look on Kai’s face, so defeated.

He could save Kai, he knew he could. Kai was still his soulmate, even if Kyungsoo was not his. _I’m fine._ Kyungsoo had been there before, and yet, Chanyeol.

 _Save Kai or save Chanyeol._ A voice whispered in his ear. Kyungsoo brushed away a drop of water from his face. The door to the bathroom opened and he looked up to see Chanyeol standing there, concerned. “You coming to bed soon, babe?” He asked.  
Kyungsoo felt himself glow at the nickname.

He nodded, flipping off the light and crawling into bed. Chanyeol slipped in after him, arms immediately wrapping around his middle. Kyungsoo let himself start to drift off, feeling guilty but not guilty enough. He had lived through Chanyeol coughing flowers before, and he had promised that he would never put Chanyeol through that.

_We’re too young to be suffering this much._

~

Sehun waited until Kai had slipped out of bed and gone outside, closing the door quietly behind him as he did every night, before getting up. He texted Baekhyun that he was coming over before opening the door and checking down the hallway before slipping out into the dim lighting.

Baekhyun’s room was dark but Sehun could tell exactly where he was, sitting cross legged by the partially open window. “You came.” He said as Sehun folded himself in beside him, thighs pressed together. “Of course. I don’t break my promises.” _I promise I’ll never stop loving you._ The words came to him, words he had uttered months ago. _That wasn’t a lie._ Sehun told himself.

Baekhyun laced their fingers together. “I shouldn’t have doubted you.” He muttered. Sehun nodded. “Isn’t that a given?” Baekhyun used his free hand to smack him and Sehun fell over into his lap dramatically. “What about Kai?” Baekhyun continued and Sehun straightened back up, but kept leaning against Baekhyun.

“He’s fine. Out at a club somewhere probably.” Kai left every night. Sehun didn’t know where he went. He didn’t particularly care. Kai had his own life and Sehun, Sehun had Baekhyun.

Being soulmates had been nice and fun and he liked Kai, he loved Kai, but meeting Baekhyun had been a different story. This tiny pixie exuding energy and life, something Sehun had never quite grasped, had literally fallen into him and Sehun had somehow, miraculously, caught him. He messed up everything he touched and because of that he’d been careful with Kai. Baekhyun had never cared about being careful, or holding back, and Sehun had fallen into the dark water and blindly surged forward.

That didn’t change the fact that he and Kai were soulmates. Kai still loved him, the only difference was that Sehun was with Baekhyun. As long as they were still soulmates, as long as _Kai_ loved him, then it was fine. _He wasn’t hurting Kai. He would have known if he was._

Baekhyun’s head fell against his shoulder and when Sehun looked down he realized that he had fallen asleep. Shifting so that Baekhyun’s head was more propped up, Sehun threaded his fingers through Baekhyun’s silky black hair. He stayed there for a long time, even after his legs had fallen asleep and his whole body had come numb and occasionally tingly.

He wanted to stay like that forever, but the rays of dawn were coming. Carefully maneuvering Baekhyun, so that he was leaning against the window, Sehun leaned down and whispered in his ear; “One day, I promise that we won’t have to hide this anymore.” He turned his head to kiss Baekhyun on the cheek, but Baekhyun shifted so that he ended up kissing Baekhyun on the mouth. His lips were parted and soft.

Sehun stood up as Baekhyun opened his eyes sleepily, walking towards the door. From where he was standing Baekhyun was illuminated in an outline of pouring golden sunlight. Everything about him seemed to glow, and in only jeans and a plain black t-shirt he looked heavenly, hair falling into his eyes.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He murmured, falling back to sleep already. Sehun smiled in the doorway. “When have I ever done that?” Baekhyun smiled the ghost of a smile, situating himself against the pane of glass and closing his eyes. Sehun left as quietly as he could, feeling the cold boards of the floor through his socked feet.

When he entered his room, Kai was sitting cross legged on the bed. He turned when Sehun opened the door, looking exhausted. Sehun froze, one step inside. “You’re back.” Kai stretched out his legs but didn’t get up. “Where were you?” Sehun felt himself tense, even though there was nothing threatening in Kai’s tone.

“You shouldn’t really be at liberty to ask me that, as you disappear every single night.” Sehun said in a defensive voice. Kai sighed heavily. He looked younger with the makeup from the funeral taken off, in soft sweats and a worn light blue long sleeved shirt that was falling over his hands. His hair was falling loose, most of it still swept off but loose strands having escaped the careful teasing and brushing his eyes.

“I’m not stupid.” He finally said, standing up and leaning against the bedpost. His whole posture was slumped and he looked so tired, as if he could barely keep his eyes open. Sehun frowned cautiously. “I know?” Kai glared, surprising Sehun. Kai never glared.

“Stop lying to me.” He said sharply. Sehun stared back cooly. He was not going to be accused of things when Kai had no basis or evidence. “I don’t think I’m the liar here.” Kai huffed, straightening. “Do you honestly think I don’t know?!” He yelled. “Do you think I’m sort of stupid idiot that’s not going to notice when-” A cough cut him off, making him double over.

Sehun went on high alert. “Are you sick? Do you have a cold?” He rushed over to help him stand, but Kai flung him away, eyes blazing. Now that Sehun looked he could see that Kai really did sick, hollow eyes and cheeks, no energy, and also just exhausted.

“You’re an _idiot_ Oh Sehun.” He snapped, but Sehun could see that he was close to crying. “You don’t even know-” “What don’t I know?” Sehun interrupted this time. “That you’re sneaking out and sleeping around? That you don’t trust me? That you don’t want commitment and you’d rather be out drinking and partying than bothering to stay with me? There’s a lot of things I know Kai, and they make me think that I really don’t know you at all.”

Kai was trembling, with anger or exhaustion Sehun couldn’t tell. His fists were clenched. Finally Kai heaved out a breath, casting his eyes skyward. “You accuse me of sleeping around when we all know who the real whore is…” He looked meaningfully at Sehun and Sehun knew he was talking about Baekhyun.

The next thing he knew he had punched Kai, Kai stumbling backward. Sehun kicked him viciously and Kai coughed again, grabbing the bedpost for support. “Get out.” Sehun hissed, so angry he could barely stop himself from hurting Kai even more. Kai pulled himself slowly to his throat, coughing once more and then leaving quickly.

Once he had left Sehun slid to the ground, burying his head in his knees. His hand touched something soft and he looked down at the pure violet petal, just one laying there on the ground. He crushed it. _I promise I’ll never stop loving you. **I promise I’ll never hurt you.**_

Maybe he really was a liar.

~

When Xiumin woke up, Chen was gone. He sat up slowly, still covered in a haze of sleep. The spot beside him was filled with neatly tucked sheets and carefully placed pillows, as if no one had been there in the first place. There was nothing left of Chen in the room, coat and shoes gone from the floor, door closed, only him spread out on the bed.

He got up, sliding on his high tops and trudging downstairs, pulling on his sweatshirt as he walked. Suho was cooking in the kitchen, the smell of sausage enticing Xiumin. Looking around, Xiumin saw that nobody else was up, but that Kai’s shoes were gone. “Where’s Chen?”

Suho looked up from where he was standing by the stove. “He and Tao left a little while ago to catch a plane to China.” Xiumin’s blood ran cold, his stomach dropping. He couldn’t have left again. “What?” Suho nodded absentmindedly and turned back to the sausage, but Xiumin strode forward. “Which airport?” He demanded.

Suho told him and Xiumin tripped his way to the door, calling a taxi before he’d even left the house. As he sat in the back of the taxi, throwing money at the driver and demanding that he get to the airport quickly, he couldn’t help but think bitterly to himself. It wasn’t even a week this time. Chen could barely stand one night with him. He hadn’t even stayed the night.

Scrolling through his phone, Xiumin discovered he had roughly half an hour before Tao and Chen’s flight left. _Enough time to convince him to stay._ He had a weird sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as they got closer and closer to the airport. Chen left. He always left.

“Here we are sir.” The young taxi driver said, he really had to be only seventeen which was absurd. But then again, Xiumin had been working four part time jobs when he was seventeen.

The airport was crowded, people rushing to and fro. Xiumin was shoved up against a wall, but he fought his way through the crowds with a determination. As he moved towards the gates, a guard stopped him. “Young man, you need to have a ticket to get in.”

“Please, I need to get to someone immediately.” Xiumin pleaded. “Do you have a ticket?” The guard repeated, stone faced. He was like a wall blocking Xiumin’s way, huge and beefy and certainly not moving. Xiumin shook his head reluctantly. “Then I’m going to have to escort you off the premises.” He moved forward, but Xiumin cried; “He’s my soulmate!” The guard stared at him, Xiumin stared back, pleading with his eyes.

The guard grudgingly moved aside. “Fine, but if you do something…” He warned. Xiumin bowed quickly and darted past him before he changed his mind. The crowds were even worse inside the airport and Xiumin grabbed the arm of a passing lady. “Excuse me, where’s the flight to China?” She pointed to the far end of the airport and Xiumin barely murmured a thank you before taking off, searching the crowd for caramel hair, broad shoulders, and a black suit.

Over the loudspeakers; “Flight to China is taking off in ten minutes. I repeat, flight to China is taking off in ten minutes.” Xiumin cursed under his breath, finally reaching the flight. He looked around wildly for Chen, but couldn’t spot him. Turns out he didn’t have to, as Chen ran directly into him.

After recovering his stance, Xiumin whirled around to see Chen moving towards the plane again. “Yah, Kim Jongdae!” He yelled, using Chen’s Korean name. Chen seemed to freeze mid step, turning around slowly. A gust of wind ruffled his hair.

“Why?” Xiumin asked, hugging himself. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground from last night, and now more blew and it got caught in his hair and cheeks. He was really cold. Chen sighed and ran a hand through his hair, tangling it more. Having it up showed off his high cheekbones and eyes and Xiumin felt himself falling into the endless chocolate brown pools.

“I don’t want commitment.” Chen shrugged, looking into the sky. “Flight to China taking off in three minutes. All passengers on flight to China please board the plane immediately. I repeat, flight to China taking off in three minutes. All passengers to board immediately.”

Chen turned. Xiumin stared after him in disbelief. “You’re leaving me? Again?” He must have sounded so heartbroken that Chen stopped and had the decency to swallow and look down. “I have to.” He finally said, looking up, voice clear. Xiumin stumbled backward, feeling like he’d been punched. This was real, this was happening. Chen was leaving him again.

Chen boarded the plane and Xiumin watched helplessly, unable to move, unable to do anything. He couldn’t help thinking about times before, crying and wondering what he’d done wrong. Because that’s what you do. When someone leaves with no explanation you have to find one and you have to blame yourself because what else could it be?

The plane seemed to take off silently and only when it was gone did Xiumin sink to the ground, crying helplessly. He cried so hard that he started choking and when he coughed, he half expected to see a flower petal.  
There were none. After all this, Chen still loved him. Xiumin sobbed harder, shaking and spreading his palms on the hard concrete for balance.

_Flowers aren’t the only painful thing about love._

**Author's Note:**

> So again, if you have questions ask me. Leave kudos and comments.  
> Also, if you like my writing you should check out my other fanfictions, especially Never Ever my GOT7 one. I'm trying to promote that more.  
> But Nu'est and JBJ are good too.  
> Yeah, comments and kudos and I hope this isn't too depressing!


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